{"id":167,"date":"2019-03-31T20:37:40","date_gmt":"2019-03-31T19:37:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nether-netherland.com\/?p=167"},"modified":"2019-09-05T10:01:23","modified_gmt":"2019-09-05T09:01:23","slug":"getting-that-dutch-diploma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nether-netherland.com\/wordpress\/2019\/03\/31\/getting-that-dutch-diploma\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting that Dutch diploma"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
I pretty much bark on about how hard I think it is to learn Dutch on a daily basis. Everyone says I am good. That I needn\u2019t worry. That I speak really well for someone who\u2019s been here this long. I love all of these compliments. They keep me going on the days where it sounds like I\u2019m chewing cotton wool rather than ordering my dinner in a restaurant. They keep me going on the days where I\u2019m so tired or full of cold or battling a mind-numbing migraine that I don\u2019t even understand half of the conversation anymore. It\u2019s a little cheer from the side-lines from my friends and family. Woo-hoo, you\u2019re really doing it, keep going!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Since May last year, I\u2019ve been\nworking towards getting my first Dutch language diploma. It\u2019s a little (or a\nlot, actually) like getting your French GCSE, as in, you work from textbooks\nand do the necessary reading, writing, speaking and listening tests at the end\nof the year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I really enjoy going to my lessons. It\u2019s because I\u2019m a nerd. And a teacher. So being in a classroom is I suppose, the best place for me. I spend three mornings per week \u2018learning\u2019 Dutch. Why is it in quotation marks? Because, if I\u2019m brutally honest, I don\u2019t always learn something. But, I feel that by attending these lessons, I achieve some sort of subconscious exposure to so much of the language that it just kind of sinks in every so often, leaving me on the good days with a slightly larger brain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I should also reveal the fact that\nI\u2019m shit at revising though. I always have been. Whilst that may come across as\na paradox, but it just is. I just can\u2019t sit there and re-read from a text book\nthat I\u2019ve looked at before. That\u2019s so b-o-r-i-n-g, I could cry. It\u2019s definitely\nthe reason that I didn\u2019t score straight A\u2019s at school. I was a pretty average\nstudent at the best of times, and at 28 years old, there probably wasn\u2019t much\nchance of me changing the fact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In any case, this week I took my\nfinal exams. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I started off the year completing\nmy listening and reading exams, which were, on the scale of most difficult exam\nto easiest exam, at the latter end of said scale. I knew, not to sound like a\ncomplete narcissist, that I would pass these two exams. I did. Fantastic. After\nall, passive learning is the easiest to most.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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This week though, things were\ndifferent. Without trying to create a sombre turning point\u2026 things became\ndarker. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I received an invitation to\ncomplete my writing and speaking exams at the end of March. The writing part\nseemed a breeze in comparison to the speaking. My throat tightened just\nthinking about it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I think that I\u2019m not ready\u2019, I\nexplained to my Dutch teacher, in, unsurprisingly, disappointing Dutch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She wafted her hand as if she had\nsuddenly inhaled something toxic. \u2018Nonsense,\u2019 she responded, matter-of-factly. \u2018You\ncan it.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I nodded and walked off, tail\nbetween my legs; defeated by someone with much more faith in my skill at\nconcocting sentences off the top of my head. Now was not the time to disappoint\nmy teacher further whilst she was clearly complimenting me. That was it. The\ndate was set. I couldn\u2019t get out of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few days prior to my speaking\nexam, I start to feel a little off. Headaches are steaming up the space between\nmy eyes and my brain, and I\u2019m feeling pretty tired and sluggish. Just my luck\nto start to get ill when I should<\/em> be\npracticing. As the days progress, I feel no better: Worse, in fact. I know that\nthis is stress. My body\u2019s way of telling me I suck and will not pass this exam.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The day of the exam is the worst. Not\nonly do I have to physically drag myself from my bed, but I feel sick.\nPhysically sick. I ride the bus to school in a bit of a daze. I\u2019m so nervous\nthat my knees are weak and my arms are heavy. Thankfully there\u2019s no vomit on my\nsweater, and there luckily won\u2019t be at any point during the day. Needless to\nsay, I feel terrible, and quite frankly I don\u2019t want to go through with this. I\nflash back now and then to my French oral exam, where I accidentally came down\ntoo hard and fast on the \u2018t\u2019 at the end of the word \u2018chat\u2019 and got a look of\npure horror from my French teacher as I basically swore at her and wonder if\nthere are any words I could say today that would offend my examiner. I think I\u2019m\nin the clear, but the horrors of mispronunciation are always niggling away in\nsome corner of my brain, and I feel like today\u2019s the day they\u2019ll spill over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As our exams don\u2019t begin until\nafter noon, we sit through an entire lesson. One by one we practice our\nperformances on a topic chosen by our teacher. I watch my classmates as they\npresent their voices to the class. We are broken today. Nerves are taking over.\nEven my teacher is looking a little guilty in the corner. She smiles at us dutifully\nand reminds us that \u2018you can it\u2019, but even she doesn\u2019t look convinced. I wrack\nmy brains further for accidentally offensive Dutch to English translations. I\u2019m\nstill drawing blanks, which either means that I\u2019m I the clear or my brain has\nstopped functioning completely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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1pm draws upon us. By now the sickness feeling has reached a peak and I can feel that dry lump in my throat where words are usually formed and spewed out. I try to walk with purpose towards the exam room. I assume rather crudely that this is how it feels being led to the executioner\u2019s block.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I peek inside and see my examiner inside. He\u2019s\u2026 my age? I don\u2019t know whether this is a pro or a con. My head is empty enough as it is right now, so I can\u2019t really put everything into perspective. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We introduce ourselves and exchange pleasantries and get down to the task in hand. He explains, very clearly what I must do. First we have a conversation. I have recently bought an item which needs to be taken back to the shop. We have to come to some conclusion, and he\u2019s the shop assistant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ok. It\u2019s doable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have a few minutes to prepare with pen, paper and a dictionary. My hands won\u2019t stop shaking and I feel his eyes boring into my trembling hands. What must he be thinking. He\u2019s kind enough to completely ignore the fact, and he looks away with what I assume is embarrassment for me. My time is up and the conversation happens. Except I don\u2019t get anywhere near the amount of time I should have met. I have to speak for 5 minutes but I\u2019ve managed 2 minutes and 49 seconds. It is not enough and I know I will be punished accordingly. Visions of the executioners block swim back to the surface. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We move on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I must do a presentation about my dream job. I am allowed the pen, paper and dictionary again, and I give another rendition of shaking hands and how my handwriting looked when I was 5 years old. I can practically feel the embarrassment he feels for me permeating my very skull. Oh my, I feel quite ill. If this was a better story, I\u2019d throw up all over the examiner and get a few laughs, but instead the presentation passes by in a blur. When I end I don\u2019t even remember what I\u2019ve just said. I lit-er-a-lly have no idea if I just did ok or not. The kind examiner remains kind and tells me I did well. His face doesn\u2019t move too much, so I can\u2019t tell if he\u2019s lying, telling the truth or just being, well, kind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I exit the room, still feeling sick\nand now, on top of that, confused and a little inadequate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even now, a few days later, it\u2019s\nstill a bit of a blur, and I don\u2019t get my results for another two weeks, by\nwhich time I\u2019ll have probably forgotten how I felt and think it\u2019s an ok idea to\ntake another shot at it should I happen to have failed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At least the rest of my exams are\nout of the way. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I pretty much bark on about how hard I think it is to learn Dutch on a daily basis. Everyone says I am good. That I needn\u2019t worry. That I speak really well for someone…<\/p>\n
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